Why Do We Quit?

I am somehow compelled to put my fingers on the keyboard. The reason behind is a shocking one– the news of a suicide. Very recently, I am continuously hearing the news of suicides of ‘young boys and girls’ around us. To some extent, the news is really hard to forget. Rather, it hurts deep inside the heart…

I heard 4 suicide news for last few days. All of them are between 15 to 25 years of age. See! normally we consider this age as the sweetest time of anybody’s life. But what TOO HARD causes made their lives UNBEARABLE? This is really a tough thing to find out. Let me discuss about few case studies. I won’t state the real names. I will tell few incidents that I heard in my real life and from newspapers.

Case 1:
Two of the deaths were most probably for failing in the love affairs. Arefin had a relation with Sofia, but lately Sofia refuses to continue it due to some ’causes’. Arefin found him Cheated and his life became ‘meaningless’, therefore committed suicide.

Case 2:
Rafi and Lisa had relations of several years. But the guardians of Lisa decided to marry her with Arif who is a little more established in the society. In such a condition, the girl Lisa found her life ‘worst’ because she thought she lost everything in her life. She gave everything to Rafi. As she couldn’t live with Rafi rest of her life, she committed suicide.

Case 3:
Maria is a pretty and a talented girl. She did excellent in all the exams she appeared in her life. She admitted in the reputed university of the country. Undoubtedly, she is a good girl. Suddenly, her parents found that she was building a good ‘relation’ with one of her classmate. So it was a real headache for the parents, they took her and arranged a marriage with a boy who is 10 years older than her. Life was going good! Suddenly, Maria is found to be hanging in the ceiling of her room while her husband was abroad. End of a story! Maria had no match with his husband Arif being 10 years younger. She couldn’t manage the age gap, couldn’t share her pleasures and sorrows. The mental pressure caused her vulnerable life to death!

Let me point to few things. In all the cases, there are matters like:

  • Relationships
  • Marriage

I found few things in common. With time, the media around us, are provoking us to feel that being ”alone” without a boyfriend or girlfriend is not the smartness. As the environment all around turns to such, generally the growing up boys and girls ”makes” relations. When we see an advertisement of a motorbike, we see it makes you ”cool” if you have a good motorbike. If we go to see an advertisement of ”lotion”, it proves that using that lotion, the girls will be lush and attractive to the boys.

Whatever is the reality is, when a growing up child sees these sort of advertisements all over, the goes to schools and colleges and found that a girl has to be hot if she need a boyfriend, the boy should be cool if she need to manage a girlfriend…bla bla..

Firstly, in these days, the pre-marital physical relations is being common in our societies of Bangladesh. In most of the cases there comes a calamity named ”Break-Up”. If the boy or the girl can’t accept the thing, he/she hangs him/her up and that’s the end of life!

Secondly, If the girl is strong, the boy is freak in her LOVE (so called), he never leave ”hopes” to get her back. So, he plans to put her in trouble. If he/she could have ever managed videos of their intimate moments. It comes on air. Now another play is staged. The girl can’t ”accept” the life to be so humiliated. She hangs her up. End of the life!

Thirdly, both the boy and girl are in promise and their understanding is good. But there comes another thing — parents. Their social status, expectations don’t match with ‘that’ boy/’girl. They put pressure on their son/daughter. There comes a marriage where both the bride and the groom hasn’t understandings among them. And later, break up comes in a role play. And many more incidents.

Fourthly, boys and girls having no relations are bound to marry the chosen one by their parents. In many cases, their opinions are ”not-welcomed”. The age gap comes a problem in a new life. ”Expectations” comes to a problem. So, again many of us can’t accept and there are incidents of ”Quitting” the life.

I believe there is nothing to quit. DONT QUIT, DO IT. If it is a problem, you need to face it. There is far better option than to quit. When you quit the world, you are not spared by anything, even you don’t have the respect! There are newspapers… everyone comes to know what happened to your life. So, it’s better to share the problems with others. Life is a gift. Life is something which never comes back once gone. Life is all about struggling, but the pleasures comes on the way.

Be sincere while you make a relation. Be cautious when you do something serious to your life. If there is possibility that it will return you back something, don’t step further.

Anything is healed except the life is gone. People never remember what happened to whom. All is to care is never to be freak out with complications of life. Wait, see, share it with others and solve it.

NOTHING IS A BIG LOSS. ANYTHING IS HEALED OTHER THAN DEATH

…..
photo courtesy: google

28 thoughts on “Why Do We Quit?

  1. Those people thought they were sent to earth for relationship and marriage. When then fail to maintain that.. they think.. omg! I have lost everything!
    They forget that relationship/marriage is just a part of life.. not everything!
    I girl will b getting married with his boyfriend at the end of this year. She said ” What does a girl want more in life … thats the most important thing in her life!
    Funny ! NOthing to say

  2. Interesting and very relevant matter you discuss here. One thing is just a little bit odd; both of my brothers married girls who are ten years younger than them… but they’re not facing any problems :?. One of my brothers got married arranged and the other one chose his bride himself. Ten years isn’t THAT big of a deal really…

    • Rinth, may be I am too weak to express my thoughts. Actually, 10 years of course not a big deal and I didn’t mean it anyway! Our Prophet Muhammad [Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam] himself had 15 years gap with his wife Khadija [Radiyallahu Anha]. So, the age gap can never be any big issue for understanding and conjugal life.

      I tried to focus on the ‘forceful inconsiderate decision’ taken by few parents.. I just tried to focus few causes of quitting which I was able to think discuss.

      Thanks for dropping by. Hope you gave got me now. Cheers!

      • No no… I DID get you… and I intentionally avoided commenting about the main issue and questioned that detail instead :P.

        It’s sad the way things have turned out in BD indeed, I think the main issue is miscommunication between parents and children. Parents should create an open atmosphere where their kids feel safe to discuss their lives with them… they shouldn’t try to judge. I think that there are many parents out there who made mistakes in their youth and they don’t want their children to make the same mistakes, so they restrict them in all possible ways. Unfortunately that’s never the solution…

        • I agree with you Rinthy. As our social customs and traditions are not easy to change very soon, the ”understanding” should come from both sides — parents and kids. I think parents should consider the ”opinion” of their kids and of course being son and daughter, we should keep the choices of parents also.

  3. Case 1: Arefin er morai uchit chhilo. Cheated feel kore jodi tar suicide korte ichchha kore tahole tar morai bhalo. Bojha gelo dunia theke. Chhagol/stupid/nalayek kothakar! :@

    Case 2: Arekta stupid er life story. I hate those people who doesn’t have the guts to take responsibility of their own deeds.

    Case 3: I feel for her. She should’ve tried to convince her parents than taking suicide as an option. Why did she even marry that guy?

    I think the world of thinking of most of the young people now are pretty “narrowed” in a sense that they are thinking only about the short run achievement. I’m not sure if I’d even call them “achievements”, what they think as achievements. I guess the problem is in the grass roots. They are not getting proper values within the families. When the whole family believes that going to coaching classes is the only way of getting numbers, when getting a “cool” look with a “cool/hot” BF/GF remains to be the only way to be acceptable among the peers, when the family thinking that only a rich husband would keep their daughter happy… these are issues inserted into tender minds from the families. If the basic root is strong enough I believe nobody would be so shallow and cheap while doing and thinking in any step of their lives.

  4. It seems incomplete. I agree that, this so called “Love” is one of the reasons of the increasing death toll..but another important cause, much pressure and conflicts between parents are also great cause of the death.
    I am wishing another post, or a little adding to this one…

    BUT!!

    NICE ONE!!

    • Alana, thanks for you nice comment. You are right, this post is incomplete from a perspective… I mentioned just above three case studies… and talked upon them. there are few more causes and I wish I will write on them in future…

      Keep visiting my blog :)

  5. Nice post! Last week i too came across such an event. A neighbour of us came crying that her daughter fled from house leaving husband n 2 children. Though they passed 14 years conjugal life, yet cudn’t match their mind. All were blaming the wife, but investigations said that long age difference n family pressured marriage was the main reason behind this family breaking….

    • Tammim, you stated another important factor. We should consider the realities and these things are not TOO silly in marriage. But dunno why our ‘parents’ in Bangladesh are really ignorant about the facts in many cases!

  6. Suicide is probably more common in countries like India and Bangladesh because of the lack of support for young people. Having said that, suicide is common here in Aus too…but sometimes it is stopped because individuals seek help for their mental health issues. Stats here show that suicide is highest among men aged between 15 and 26 as well as older men, particularly farmers. The latter is because of the droughts and the floods that we have and continue to have and that there isn’t enough mental health support in the rural areas as well as a stigma for men to seek help. The other reason why men are more successful than women is the method of attempting suicide — men tend to hang or shoot themselves, women tend to try overdosing which doesn’t always work.

    The cases you described sound like these young people were forced into doing something else and had difficulties adjusting and were possibly in a depressed state of mind resulting in them feeling hopeless and seeing no point to things. If they were able to access mental health support, it is likely that thye would receive help to see other options in their lives or else at least have the confidence to stand up to their parents if it was something they didn’t want to do. The point is, they would have at least one person in their corner feeling like it wasn’t the end of the world!

    • Interesting. This sort of thing definitely happens more in India and Bangladesh than in the US. We read Romeo and Juliet but no one could ever imagine. A lot of readers already made the comments, lack of support for young people, lack of respect for personal attraction and love.

      Why is commitment (a personal belief) so scrutinized by society at large? Parents make such critical decisions over their children’s commitment with the authority and lightness as if they are choosing to have tea or not.

      I guess in countries where social mobility and wealth are more critical, marriage is seen as a family decision. But this post shows this is not without it’s repercussions. Good one!

      • Thank you Michelle for you nice comment! I am late in replying your comment because probably I was trying to write it taking time– days are too busy! arghh! Moreover, I came to my blog and read and re-read comments almost everyday but don’t know why I am so dormant in replying :(

        I want to quote from your comment: I guess in countries where social mobility and wealth are more critical, marriage is seen as a family decision.. perfectly said! I don’t know how to overcome our this common attitude in society, so I am often puzzled. But I think if we practice to ”think” which is effective and beneficial approach toward children, we might change our such attitudes of imposing our own ideas and choices on others.

        Thanks for dropping by. Best wishes for you! :)

  7. quiting something is when i dont find any thing else to do n u want to run away from live which is not so worthy for the creature living on this land :)
    nye write up :)

  8. the people who faced the problem..im dam sure.. they don’t have much knowledge about life… and they really think the life is a football…we can play with it…if we want to break it we can…….

    the problem is that, if he cant respect his/her own life then how he will see the life as beautiful time? he lose his eyes……to see….

    boy and girl easily can make relationship in present world… so parents should have some consideration on it…

    good writing….bro

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