(this emotional outcome was written by me more than two months ago, on 24 April, 2010. Didn’t publish it then because of some “frightening” stuffs– fears of being “revenged” !!)
I should be glad today… and my joys should know no bound!! But I am not!! strange!! I think there are few reasons….
I have got ‘A’ grade in my thesis.. This thesis has given me pain through-out the year…. I had to stand outside my supervisor’s room for hours each day I visited him…. I had to stay in the Lab after the exam the whole one and half month while very few of my mates were found there…. And I completed according to my supervisor wished.. Interesting is, we were two in the group of thesis, and the other member of my group was marked A+
I was treated mercilessly during the ‘seminar presentation’ of the Thesis– I was punished (!!) by my panel of teachers for being late (though I was there in time) in the seminar… some of them were ANGRY!! so it happened… ( it is ‘stupidity‘ to show that they are wrong, so we kept silent!)
The punishment was to “STAND ON FEET” for 8 hours!!! yaah!! I stood eight hours outside the seminar room for present what I did in my thesis….. I couldn’t but to stand there though my “knee is injured, surgery went on it”… But I had no other way!!
Lucky my “Sweet teachers” are!! I am not an “AAMIR KHAN”, otherwise, I must make a movie like ‘3 IDIOTS’… KUET authority is lucky that Bangladeshi family bondage is remarkable and thereby they do not think wired like suicide thing.
We are always in the grip of the teachers… we are bound to respect them.. and they make the judgment, they are like our parents (I believed once)…. Why was I treated like the ‘slave’?? I know, it is not possible to convey my pains to anyone of them… But I will never forget…
We are bound to go with our ‘slavery’ coz my marks, my certificate, that is my whole life is in their grip…. and I must follow the rules and regulations…. I can never show arrogance to the teachers who are to be respected… But swear to God !! I don’t know whether it is really possible for me to respect them actually from my heart…. rather it is very much possible to hate…
I am not feeling shame to tell one thing that after my result publication, I have cried several times, for the judgment… how much pain should one take for a graduation??
Should I write ” I QUIT” like the boy in the “3 IDIOTS” movie…. and then to hang in the ceiling fan….
I can find the feeling of that boy (while if happens to anyone) who tried hard and is given “FAILED” in the work…. It will not be weird for someone to commit suicide…..
I know I never expected “grades” in my 4 years of undergrad…… I never expected– my friends knows.. I just did my job, and never even took a glance to my grade-sheets…. I did and waited to pass only….
The first ‘zero’ of my life I got from one of my respected teacher (!!) of university in a Lab… though I tried heart and soul for a program, it was a very silly mistake (I resolved it later in dorm) and the output wasn’t correct. He liked to give me “ZERO” instead of directing me to solve and to evaluate my labor. I think now, he enjoyed it much!!
Later, I found some of my teachers to treat us like what not.. They got pleasure to put down ‘zero’ in the mark-sheets. And from that day I learned that, I can never respect a teacher, though I compel myself to do that. Coz my dad always taught me to respect them.
I know, if I had the opportunity to show my hatred in volume– it would have made a high mountain!! But I just belong to the ‘suffered’ who who are shouting out in blog after the completion of 4 years…. and will probably forget and forgive all those human named things….
I had been sobbing several times since the publication of the result, with the feeling that “AT LAST I MADE IT !! ” and “IN TIME!! “…. once I thought that it would never be possible to finish up….
May be my words seem silly.. sounds weird…. or whatever…. I don’t feel shy to express what actually I am. I know, if I had done anything worse, I had to explain that to many others… if I had done better, I would do the same! So why not now? what I am is really I am. If anyone thinks I am ill-valued, worthless… then I would tell that I can never do any better, I am sorry!
And if someone loves me though, I will close my eyes in satisfaction telling, “Thanks God! you made my day! “…. I tried hard and probably it has come to some good to people…..
I know it is an emotional post, and I am relieved now… feeling lighter than an hour before… no matter what my readers feel or think. I have just exposed some deep thoughts of me… I never never believed such a “strange” system exists in any other ‘developing’ countries. It can produce some “some broken-heart and psychologically weak” students as I found in my university. Most of my friends have forgotten to dream I swear…. They were thousand times better in potential than what they have achieved. The system should be changed– the views of teachers.. otherwise, we will get our nation like this.. very little in productivity….
Thanks for taking pain to read so long post…. I am so sad for these things… can’t make myself okay.. cant reason myself….
Am sorry, I am so much emotional now….. 😦