It has been years after years, excitements, dreams and aspirations are just the words of my archives. I’ve kept them carefully in a locker. Sometimes I open it and see them up. I can see nothing perturbed their flows, they were there, they are. But it is the time which has flown miles away….

I know there are moments which I never expect, nor I expected. They comes to my life. I can’t but face them. I am feeling the words of the song by John Denver titled by “I’m Sorry”. Really I’m sorry for myself. I am what I have become. I am what I had to be. I contributed very less. I could have grew up somewhere else, I could have seen some other person as Idol, I could have read some other books in my life, I could have got some other people as my friends, I could have faced some other incidents in my life.

Very less I contributed, very much I have received. The melancholic hours are part of life. I often scratched with some emotions. I sit stuck, I grab my heart, I wipe my tears. I remember those days while I was convicted as ‘weak’. I am sorry I am weak, I am sorry I am am not granted. I am sorry for myself.

I live my life, I have to live. I really find no meaning to do so many things in life and to grab so many enjoyments and so much of the money to rejoice. Though I know, the calculations are otherwise. Everybody counts on the money. I know today I am here on earth, any day I will have to move back to my Creator, this is really too short time to live in earth.

It’s cold here in the city
It always seems that way
And I’ve been thinking about you almost everyday
Thinking about the good times
Thinking about the rain
Thinking about how bad it feels alone again

Lyric: John Denver, Song: I’m Sorry

Today, I have watched a very short video clip titled “The Quest For Meaning”. I am amazed that I should say it is one of the most amazing 10 minutes video where I got the thoughts of my quests in life. I know the quest is an urge inside which comes from some more deep sources.

I realize “Ignorance comes our first jail”. To be free, I need to free myself from my EGO. Amazing thinking!! Because, I realize the affects comes from the ego, this is very problematic.

“You don’t know what is freedom,
If you don’t know what discipline is.” ― Tariq Ramadan

The man who is speaking in this short-length documentary is Dr. Tariq Ramadan. Dr Tariq Ramadan is a Professor of Oxford University and a man of intellect. I liked his several writings from his website. Here is the Biography of Dr Ramadan. His presentation and philosophical thoughts are just awesome!

I am writing on this blog after more than 3 months. Just before last post in September, I never missed to post a blog at least once in a month during my 2 years of blogging. It clearly shows how changes I had to bring in my lifestyle, in my thoughts of life. I’m not going to explain those tough days because it will just bring the bad feelings in my heart again. I just wanna share that those days are over by the grace of Allah. Life is such, tough days, sweet days. Mixed with many many emotions and feelings. But out of them all, the essence of life is to remember the Almighty out of all bad and good moments as we have to go back to Him after our death, which is an inevitable part of a human life!

Well, why is this title of the blog post? There are REASONS behind. Not only one reason, many many reasons are there. I was disconnected from social networking for more than a month. I was active in facebook twitter and google plus as well by the way. But the little sad part is, nobody on this earth ever searched me to know what happened to me, I’m alive or not! It reminded me nobody actually cares me, nobody will care me ever though I depart from this earth. I am on my own!

Another reason is, DO YOU REMEMBER is a song by Phil Collins — one of my most favorite songs with hundreds of childhood memories. I love the lyrics of it. Reminds me of asking someone — ‘do you remember?’ which is romantic and imaginative, strong in emotion. Love is good until it is cast on anybody willingly. It’s an automatic process : instigated inside heart and runs within it — then there goes the power of love.

I know nobody actually remember me. I have made me to understand and to take to heart that nobody will ever remember me. I will not expect it in my life insha Allah. While we depend on others, while our happiness is on “OTHERS” hand, it is actually not a happy life, not a worthy life. May Allah bless me in this regard.

I am sharing the song and the lyric now. Here it goes:

We never talked about it
But I hear the blame was mine
I’d call you up to say I’m sorry
But I wouldn’t want to waste your time

Do you remember…

I know this is not an important post. I am just writing on, I am here to just put my thoughts in words. I know days are going on and on. I can’t make the best use of anything. I know there are some purposes in life. Life consists few days and they keep on reducing. And I keep on being shocked ! Last day I found a nice quotation!

“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world, because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness!”
– [Ibn Taymiyyah]

Ibn Taymiyya’s rhetorics are really awesome! He told the real matter! We realy depend on so many things in life and that is an impediment of living! They often disappears! Life is such thing.

I wanna change the focus of thought. I wanna do the observation of my blog life. It is more than 2 years. I had a nice time in blogging. Thousands of readers, regular comments. But suddenly I lost the concentration. But that doesn’t mean I have involved me in better or ‘greater’ aspects of life. In retrospect, I can find a poor show! Though, it is true. It has purposes, it is real.

I can’t change the ‘ultimate’ destination of life. The ‘ultimate’ happenings have got a powerful reason that I can never deny. Probably it is said as destiny. I dunno. I have not been so powerful to comment on it. I am turning on being more superficial in ‘talks’ these days, though not in ‘thoughts’! I have been exploring some realities. Finding lots of flaws in me, in my thoughts, in my living style, in my behaviors. And I need to change them. This is tough. I need a reformation.

This is a poor blog post. But probably a poor thing has a better possibility of being rich in future, a rich one doesn’t have better aspirations!

I wanna conclude today. I know it was the most wired post I have ever written. So what! I just needed to post something! So is it!

Dhaka, is our city, the capital city of Bangladesh. More than 20 Million people live in this area of 360 square kilometers. Officially [according to Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics report] it is said that 7 Million people are living in this city, But I am sure, it is never less than 20 Million. Everyday the number is increasing. Dhaka is the example of the mono-centric urbanization (dunno whether this term really exist, I’m writing as I feel). Everything has been set up in this city. Loads of population, no planning, no initiative. This cannot work. This simply can’t go on this way!

Hectic life! I came out of home an hour before my office time. I know it takes only 35 minutes in holidays to cross this distance and it’s just about 5 kilometers! But Oh God! It took more than 2 hours to reach to my office and I am an hour late. If it were an tolerable temperature, I won’t be so scratched. Today I somehow managed to board on a bus holding the handle of the doors of it, it was scorching sun that was burning the skin. I was sweating like mad and on a certain moment I was thinking that I might die. I face this situation everyday. I know more than 3 hours of my daily life is passed without any productivity; which is completely wastage. This is of no worth living. I feel serious pity for the city dwellers along with me. The life is not worth here. I dunno how long it will go like this. This nightmare can’t go for the rest of my life, our lives. Better this civilization be destroyed.

I believe this is all about excessive traffic in the office time. But again, if you are a responsible, you need to think on it. The leaders of my country are never bothered about the heck of living in this city. They are far more concerned about political issues and speaking so big and doing nothing. In my short tenure of memories from childhood, I haven’t observed any bigger and effective urbanization planning. But I sincerely believe that in this whole world if there is any kind of BIG BIG urban planning, they should go under research for the Dhaka city, where mankind is horrified, tired and crying in utmost suffering…

I was born in a “Third World” country, I have no hand on it, on my birth! I know I have never wasted any moments of life till I was 19. I had dreams, I had plans for me, my family, my society, my Earth. But, I am deprived of thousands of opportunities of life. I could have used my time in some productive works. I could have used my potentials in some other effective thoughts and measures on Earth. But I pass them in hanging on bus and listening to the rubbish low class slang words by people everyday. I find people give damn to the politicians helplessly while they are suffered. And yes, again they have nothing to do. This cannot go on like this. I may not live long, but what I predict, no civilization can go with such utmost sufferings. There are some other cities of the world, they have managed to cope with the population growth where I must mention the name of China. There are plenty. But we have the administration who are thousand times bothered to work on the opposition party while they rule instead of doing for planning and works. No effective long term planning has been observed in last 20 years. No thinking for the people! How is this going! I just can’t believe the corruptions! It has just galloped every little inches of people’s heart.

I know what I feel. Oh God, I just wonder what is waiting in the end of this city life. I can’t imagine what might happen after 5 years! It will be unlivable city. Last week, the Flyover built in Khilgaon has been damaged. It was of 5 or 6 years only! (can’t be specific in info). Here is the news link from bdnews24.com. This is not only the structural damage — it resembles the damage of a nation, the corruption has devoured the whole thing, the whole system. The flyover was planned and budgeted nicely, but there were people of no ethics– who have lost their values, be it social or religious values. There exist no fear of God! Most of the responsible have lost the thought of Hereafter, where they will have to stand before the court of Almighty.

But yes! There are still some fresh hearts. Some people are there who are continuously trying for the betterment. They are the real gem on this earth. I take my hats-off for those Great-Hearts. I salute those people who are really showing their consistency to the ethics, values, honesty and fear of God. They are the true friend for the humanity. As they are there in the society, the whole system is not being destroyed. Otherwise, I don’t believe such a system could go anyway!

I know I am living in nightmare, we do! I fear it will never end. But yet I do hope, I do pray to my God for changes of heart in people. Dealing with huge population is tough, but if you ever had the devotion, concentration and planning to deal with the problems or the issues, you must have found some ways to it. May Allah bless the people of Dhaka and the people of Bangladesh as well. The temperature and extreme hot is the symbol of global warming I feel. The madness by the climate is showing it’s power for last many years. I dunno how worse it will be. These serious issues should be thought and taken steps world-wide. This is the question of our existence on earth. This is the responsibility of us for our next generation.

If we do not take necessary actions right now, our next generation will definitely curse us. Wish our hearts be changed, wish someday the people of our country and this earth will feel what they actually should do for a better co-living. May we keep our smiles until our death. It has become more than 1075 words and I am still going on. If this could reflect how much concerned I am! But I should stop now. half an hour is a long break. Thanks for reading this painful writing written by a pained heart after painful time. Have a nice day!

….

Photo courtesy:
photo1: Rashed,
photo2: Voice of South,
photo3: bdnews24.com

The ‘Shadowed’ works are the matter of miseries in lives. We have pain, anxiety, hatred, sorrow, suffering — as there are incidents devoid of this light. Actually, I didn’t wish to write on this “light and shadow” thing. But I had a wish to at least scribble down something and break the ‘block’ I had been going through. The last month, august was the first month in last 24 months when I haven’t posted anything. I have gone away from blogging. Yet I know, I still love it. There are very few things on earth that I love to do.

It has been 2 years of my blogging. I still remember Reema, Color Me Sunshine, Solilo, Elegant Chic, Matt Parkar, Swaram, Pins n Ashes, Masood Salem, Titaxy, Riyadh, Dew, Neilina, Saima, Vishu, M@q Tanim — who were the inspiration of my starting of blogging. I had some other new friends in blogging like Rinth, Comfy, Rony, Sajib, Lopa and Mushfiq — my friend of childhood. I can’t make up times for reading, and many of them has become dormant. With time, the relation has faded away. Time is such! It goes on… Eventually we all will go away from this earth, someday!

This is a post for celebrating my 2nd year of blogging. I started blogging someday, I am alive and I still have power to pen some words. So is my post. I want to remind you my blog buddies, I haven’t forgot you!

Photo Courtesy: Google Image

…………

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.

That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.” “I wrote: “Today is a beautiful day, but I cannot see it.”

Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story:

Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 100 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.

The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling. And even more beautiful, is knowing that you are the reason behind it!!!

The video was taken by Mustafa Davis. Being interested, I googled about him and found his website. Here is the link to know about the creator of this video.

Mustafa Davis said about this video:

I created this piece to visually portray the emotive experience of being a traveler. The footage is from three separate locations throughout the world (California, New York, and Stockholm) blended together in a single shot. When on the road, days and hours blend together and life can become a blur… a sort of montage of thoughts and memories that are often more dreamlike than real.

I’m often on the road 3 weeks out the month and so much of my time is spent in physical transit from one place to the next. Travel is a means of obtaining light on our spiritual journey but often that light is masked in the darkness and difficulty of life on the road. We do not realize that its light at all until after the journey has come to an end and we begin to reflect on where we’ve been. But the travelers reflections are never still because as he reflects on where he has been, he is already going somewhere new… so the lights and darkness and blur of memories is constant, never-ending. This video is a visual representation of the emotional state of travel… blending lights, darkness, and constant, unceasing movement.

Amir Sulaiman gave the voice in the background of this video. I got the lyric of Amir Sulaiman from the youtube. I am copying them in here. [ Source: Youtube link ]

::: LYRICS:::

Although time and space
have displaced us
i know we are not in different places
As I speak this I am racing
Running
Although my feet won’t touch the pavement
Yet as you hear this I am running
Racing

my heart is racing running
to you

There goes the sweet Award. Thanks Lopa! I’m really happy to have an award after so many days!

The tag is about — MY favorites. LOL I’m one of the very few people I think who haven’t thought of what are their favorites. I discovered it when I sat to write! Weirdo!! But it’s true. Anyway, I’m gonna try to write about the topic!

My Favorites

Food: LOL I have a different choice that I discovered in last few days. I like anything that takes less pain to chew. I don’t like meats and I like vegetables for this choice!

Movies: I like Mystery, Sci-Fi, Thriller movies mostly. I could remember plainly The Italian Job, Die Hard 4, Oceans 11, The Independent Day, James Bond series ALL by Pierce Brosnan, The Matrix Triology…. more more more!

And it’s done at last! Upss!! It was pathetic to write on so many points of which most of them I haven’t thought!

Time To Tag and Pass:

I am passing this award to my Old (Certainly are Gold!) blog buddies, whom I miss yet. Due to life and job, I am not being able to visit their blogs…. Here they go: Reema, Dew, Elegant Chic, Riyadh, Titaxy, Celestial Rays, Chatterbox, Psych Babbler Pinny, M@q Tanim and Shahrina

The simplest thing clearly depicts what life I am living. Living in the capital city of Bangladesh, the Dhaka is never less than fighting in a field of war. Weirdly said right? Yeah, I told it as I do feel. What do you feel if you start from your home 1.5 hours before your office time at 8 am in the morning, and you can’t reach in time rather being late half an hour. And more importantly, during holidays you can never make this time more than half an hour anyway to cross the length! And during office days, I stand there on the bus stand for and hour and can’t manage a public transport to board on. The sun is up there, you are moving for each buses coming on the ways closing doors or some are filled up even not sparing an inches on the doors! This is the city life in here!

So being late consecutive a week I changed my starting time to 7 am and now I reach office 2 hours before! I often wonder how come we are living! The Dhaka city is one of the worst city on earth I feel. Just a week back I lost my mobile in the bus. It was in my pocket and someone picked is out from the stupid crowd while I lost concentration from my mobile only for 20 seconds! Thieves are available anywhere anytime. Bus fares are on hike without no specific reason. Whenever the oil or gas price is up, we get a hike in fares whatever is the fuel of that bus is. You really don’t need to run in gases or oils — you just need the occasion!! I don’t wanna mention the daily market!

Even yesterday, on the street of Malibag, which is 10 minutes walking distance from my place a man is dead as a pick-up van just crushed him under it’s tires. The man was trying to cross the road. There is no control on the transportation system, no control on the driving, no control on the passers-by. This is a weird city with strange things everywhere. Everyday I return back to home and when I could see the faces of my Amma (mother) and Abba (father), I say thanks to Allah for his blessings — I’m living another day in here, on this earth!

Moreover, I am screwed completely in these days in job! The days are too tough in the office. I think this is not the thing where I can bring the best out from myself. Though the reality is prompting me to be the glue to such works. No way out to live! **sigh** But I don’t wanna loose my heart anymore. I am hopeful for some good days in life. I believe, ”With difficulties, comes ease”. I believe there will be good days when I will scream in pleasure!

With all those complexities in life, when I come back home, I don’t find any energy to write a post. I feel an itchy feeling when I think of writing. But surprisingly I found I am not the only person who stopped posting, Michelle is also dormant! Her blog is not updated for long time… No posts from Lopa and Mushfiq too! May be the summer is not going good for anybody!

Wish good days for everybody. Life is short, but it should be a livable one until we move for the eternal life. May Allah, The Almighty bless our lives.

Photo Courtesy: Flickr link